In The Quiet Moments

 Lesley sits in the chair her head swiveling to the rhythm of Wellington pacing the small space the wires allowed with their whimpering son in his arms. He'd been pacing and holding him since they'd gotten here only putting him down long enough so that the doctors could check him then picking him back up again as soon as they were done.
 She couldn't blame him she'd been like that the first day she'd bought him home and Jamie seemed to be comforted by it but it also felt like a shield. His way to keep them from having to talk and he wouldn't look at her either. The one time she'd caught his eye they'd burned with resentment making her soul feel scorched and bare and forcing her to look away. He was furious, more angry than she'd ever seen him in their entire lives and she couldn't blame him. No, she couldn't blame him for any of his anger or resentment. She hadn't deluded herself that when the truth came he wouldn't be but, she wasn't going to apologize for her choices. She was sorry they'd hurt him and she was sorry in doing so she'd kept him from his son but she would never apologize for protecting Jamie.
Erin peeps around the edge of the door not sure what she would be walking into and was pleasantly surprised by what she found. It wasn't domestic bliss a cold silence hung over the room but since she'd been expecting worse she'd take it.
"Heeey, " She whispers coming closer to Wellington and Jamie. "How's everything in here?"
"We're doing okay. What's going on with Jamie?" Lesley asks her voice filled with worry not realizing she'd been holding her breath till it slipped from her lips when Erin smiled.
"Jamie is responding well to the medication we're just going to take him for one more test." Wellington looks at her and frowns his defense immediately alert. He'd heard that line many times in the past and believed in them. As much as he cared about Erin trusted her up until today whispered a little voice, and knew her to be a good doctor even a great doctor. He didn't trust them coming from her or anyone the sound of them reeked of deceit to his ears.
"Why? I thought you said he was getting better, why do you need to run more test?" Wellington demands. Erin smiles patiently empathising with his trepidations for him it was all a  macabre dejavu she reminds herself.
"Jamie is responding really well. They were just backed up before and since it wasn't urgent  I thought he'd be more comfortable with his Mom and Dad. I told them I'd bring him back when they were free. They just called." She lays her hand on his shoulder giving it a gentle squeeze
 "You have to trust me when it comes to your sons health Well. I wouldn't lie about something like this and I'm not going to give you grand expectations. I promise to be one hundred percent honest with the both of you okay?" She says looking from one to the other making his eyes automatically follow her line of site and instantly snapping away when they meet Lesley's cool level stare. Right now he couldn't look or speak to her right now he just needed her to keep up what she'd been doing and stay silent. Erin watches the moment between them and continues before her cousins could say what ever had been teasing her tongue.
"I love all of you but I'm not going to let that cloud my judgement when it comes to your son and it's not just me Jamie has an entire team of doctors." She adds knowing that Wellington was remembering Lola with Juliette and the horrible consequences of her arrogance.
"We'll let you know what's going on with him every step of the way. As soon as these last test come back we're all going to sit down with the both of you." Wellington's shoulders relax feeling comforted, humbled and mildly ashamed as he fumbles for words.
"I'm sorry Erin I'm just...I'm sorry" He sighs then looks down at his sleeping son ignoring Lesley's constant gaze.
"It's okay Well, don't worry about it."  She smiles reassuringly. He smiles back weakly then looks down at his son and kisses his forehead before placing the sleeping child in the crib.
Lesley heart flutters and is filled with joy as she watches the moment between the two. It was one she had imagined for so long. She was happy the truth was finally out and they didn't have to hide any longer. She felt free for the first time in a long time she thought. She'd almost blurted it out when he'd inadvertently caught her glance a moment ago. She'd told him so early and she'd tell him again even if he didn't believe her and still wouldn't look at her or speak he couldn't help but hear it. She breathes a sigh of relief then reaches down pulling the blanket up around Jamie and kisses the top of his head moments before the attendants come in the room.
"We'll be back in about five, ten minutes. You two sit tight." She says following the technicians leaving the two of them completely alone for the first time since she'd told him about their son.
"Are you hungry? I could run to the cafeteria?" She asks hoping to force him to speak to her. Wellington looks up at her from his pacing as if noticing her for the first time. Why was she even speaking they had nothing to say.
"No, thank you." He grunts then continues his pacing Lesley watching him. No, he wasn't going to just shut her out.
"How about some coffee?" She tries again halting his pacing. He glares at her the muscle in his jaw flexing and unflexing as he tries to maintain the slackening hold he had on his anger.
"Nothing!" He grinds out. Lesley ignores him talking as she rises from the chair and walks towards him.
"Then just talk to me Wellington!" She shouts back at him in frustration. Wellington glares back at her his expression one of confusion and anger all blended into one. What the hell did she want from him? What was it she wanted him to do or say when all he felt right now was anger. He takes a deep breath trying to level both his emotions and his anger before speaking.
"What do you want me to say Lesley? What do you want me to tell you? I'm not furious that one of the happiest days of my life is also one of the most frightening? Do you want me to thank you for protecting him so well I end up missing two and a half years of my sons life!" Lesley stands in his path unmoving and glares back at him. One way or another this was going to end today he was going to hear all of it no more lies.
"Some one had to protect us you sure as hell couldn't!" She spits back folding her arms across her chest her stare unyielding.
"How could I? You never gave me a chance!" His emotions finally erupting from the leaking dam he'd built around them.
"Why would I when you couldn't even protect yourself!" Lesley states her voice cold and as devoid of emotion as her stare.
"That is low even for you Lesley!" He growls.
"It's not low Wellington it's the truth!" She states flatly nonplussed by his show of anger she pushes on using truth as her sword and shield.
"You did everything for that woman you sacrificed us, our happiness for her. And when it was all said and done after everything you did for her she tried to kill you! I wasn't going to stand back and let you sacrifice our son too!" She finishes her words slicing through him leaving him flustered and weary he spits out the first thing that came to his mind in defense.
"She was out of her mind with grief she didn't know what she was doing!" Lesley shakes her head in disbelief her smile incredulous her tone mocking.
"She knew exactly what she was doing Wellington! When are you going to wake up from this delusion? The only thing she didn't mean to do was fail!"
"How the hell do you know? By the time that happened you were long gone!" He snarls
"Because I saw her Wellington!" She shouts back satisfied by the slack mouth look of surprise on his face. "That's right I saw her!"
"You saw her? You weren't even there!" He says snorting back a derisive laugh. Lesley eyes widen then narrow to slits her voice sounding tight and controlled to her own ears.
"Oh, I was there Wellington I saw her before you did!" Wellington twist his mouth into a mocking smile.
" Sure you did! You would say anything right now to justify what you did to me! You wouldn't talk to me or take my calls! What was so different about that day huh? What caused this grand epiphany you just had to see me?" He finishes his eyes boring into hers.
"I'd had my sonogram!" Lesley looks back at him her eyes glittering with defiance.
"What?" He moans his voice sounding weary and looking confused by yet another revelation of the truth. He listen intently as she unfurls each tendril, his mind slipping back to that morning.
"I had my sonogram that morning. After seeing our son for the first time I felt guilty and decided to go to your place and tell you." She stops and swallows the fear gripping  same as it had that morning and every time she'd thought of it since.
"You were coming out of that little deli on the corner when I saw. You were flipping through newspaper as you walked. I started to run towards you when I heard that sound that tires make when guys are drag racing and I saw the car coming across the intersection. I watched it swerve from the other lane. ..." Her voice quivering then fading off for a moment before she clears her throat and starts again.
"You must have stopped walking or something because next thing I saw was the car on top those steel pillions they have on the corner!" She looks to him waiting for agreement. He nods his head not daring to speak afraid he'd break the spell and she'd stop.
"If those hadn't been there she would have killed you Wellington! I saw her aim her car right for you!" She looks up at him her eyes glistening with unshed tears pleading for understanding.
"When I saw that guy help you to your feet and you were okay, I was never so happy in my life. Then..." He voice fading off again  her face turning white as she chokes back her emotions.
"I heard that blood curdling death howl come from that car... And she kept repeating it. Over and over. "It should have been you and that Bitch!"" She says finishing the last with a growl as the memory looms before her momentarily blinding Wellington from her view. She takes a swift calming breath forcing her thoughts back to the moment and pushing down her fear.
"It was no accident it was intentional! She wanted us both dead! I've never run faster in my life." She stops looking at Wellington's stricken face. He staggers back as if he'd been physically assaulted by her words as he grasps the windowsill for support. She mentally nods satisfied that it was all finally sinking in before continuing.
"Do you really think after that I was going to wait around and be next? What if I had been just a few minutes sooner? We might not be standing here having this conversation." She finishes her eyes challenging his. Wellington waits a moment choking back the angry response that had been on the tip of his lips.
"Yeah that explains then what about now Lesley? Tell the truth if Jamie hadn't gotten sick you would have never told me?" He grinds out between clenched teeth.
"I don't know." She whisper making Wellington laugh bitterly.
"After all this time why would you start to telling the truth now? The longer you go on  with the lie the easier it gets right?"
"That's not true!" She snaps. "Nothing about this was ever easy Wellington. I didn't like doing it. I did it.."
"For our son. Yeah so you've said!" He mocks cutting her off tweaking her anger.
"That's right! You may be tired of hearing it but I'll never get tired of saying it or apologize to you or anyone else for doing it! Everything thing I've said and done from the moment I found out I was pregnant was to protect him! If that meant you couldn't be a part of our lives then that's just how it had to be. Nothing else mattered not me, not you! And how the hell was I supposed to even trust you? She tried to kill you and you still helped her!" She seeth looking as incredulous as she sounded.
"I didn't help her all I did was give her mother the name of a lawyer! I did what any decent person would do and it's what Juliet would have have wanted me to do." He bites back his words only deepening her bewilderment.
"Are you sure that's really what it was Wellington? Just your promise to Juliet?" She says searching his face for any remnants of what she didn't know but only finding insult and anger atop of more hurt then, sudden illumination.
"So now we finally get to what this was all really about!" Lesley pulls back as if slapped as a cold wave of shocked disbelief grips her throat forcing her to take a moment to find her voice.
"What the hell are you talking about? Didn't you hear a what I just said?"
"I heard every precious gem!" He growls waving his hand dismissively. "This isn't about Lola this is about you and your need to punish me! Do you see her around here because I sure as hell don't and I haven't seen hide nor hair of her here or anyplace else in over three years and neither has anyone else!" He shouts back
"And I thank GOD for that fact everyday! I took me a year to walk down the street without checking every driver sitting behind a steering wheel! After what I saw she was capable of I wasn't taking any chances Wellington. If you can't understand that then I don't know what else to tell you."
"I'll admit, Lola was not just a danger to herself she was a danger to everyone especially to our son. As a mother you had to protect him from whatever danger was out there really or perceived and for that I will be forever grateful." He concedes giving her a momentary ray of hope until his next words erased their brilliance like storm clouds.
"But you hurt me deeper than I thought it was possible. Deeper than I ever thought you ever could. In my head I know what you did was the right thing for our son but in my heart...." Shaking his head and swallowing back his emotions.
"I know in time I can get past that. What's going to be harder to get over, is knowing what we both know to be a fact it wasn't just because of Lola. You keeping our son a secret was also to punish me for trying to help her. But, by punishing me,  by keeping me out of his life you were also punishing our son. So if you're looking for me to forgive you and we can just move past this? That we're going to be this big happy family, that's definitely not going to be today if ever."
"Wellington..." She groans and reaches for his arm then stops herself. What was there to say? She wanted honesty and she had to be honest with that part of herself. He knew it as well from the disappointment etched in his expression and the truth of his words carved into her own.
"I'll be be I ahh...I'm going to take a walk I need some fresh air I'll be back." He says walking to the door and closing it quietly behind him.



"Harbinger Falls" Copyright 2015